Happy birthday to you ....

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON

Signs you're old:

1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.
26. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
27. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
28. When happy hour is a nap.
29. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
30. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
31. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
32. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
33. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
34. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired
35. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
36. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
37. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
38. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
39. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
40. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
41. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
42. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
43. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
44. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
45. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

Cheers ;)